Even though I've done more research than is probably normally humanly possible (I have too much free time) I am absolutely terrified that I'm moving to Korea in a couple of days. What if I miss the train? What if I get on the wrong one? What if I can't find the backpackers' we've booked into? How on earth am I going to manage all my luggage on my own?
What if all the awesome 'friends' I've made on facebook and skype, in the official and unofficial EPIK groups, don't like me as much in person as they seem to online? What if I'm too weird for Korea?
What if all this research and excitement has over-hyped Korea for me and it's nothing like I expected it to be? What if I hate it?
What if I'm a terrible teacher? What if I'm terrible at Korean etiquette thingies? What if my co-teachers hate me?
What if I just can't cut it?
What if this was a terrible idea?
These questions (and others) are doing the rounds in my head. But it's too late to back out now. I'm glad, at least, that even though I'm this excited, and have done this much research, I have awesome friends who have been there and done it and been the voice of reason for me, telling me about the bad as well as the good. So I'm not going in completely blind.
But it still feels like I'm stumbling around in the dark on the edge of a cliff.
Or like I'm faking it, and hoping that at some point the 'positive attitude' will become real and drown out all the fear I have about this whole thing.
Because moving to Korea is actually quite a big deal, and it may not be what I expect, and I'll have bad days, and cry, and want to come home.
But hopefully I'll make it work. And that hope is what I'm desperately clinging to right now.