Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Fear and Anxiety

Even though I've done more research than is probably normally humanly possible (I have too much free time) I am absolutely terrified that I'm moving to Korea in a couple of days. What if I miss the train? What if I get on the wrong one? What if I can't find the backpackers' we've booked into? How on earth am I going to manage all my luggage on my own?

What if all the awesome 'friends' I've made on facebook and skype, in the official and unofficial EPIK groups, don't like me as much in person as they seem to online? What if I'm too weird for Korea?

What if all this research and excitement has over-hyped Korea for me and it's nothing like I expected it to be? What if I hate it?

What if I'm a terrible teacher? What if I'm terrible at Korean etiquette thingies? What if my co-teachers hate me?

What if I just can't cut it?

What if this was a terrible idea?

These questions (and others) are doing the rounds in my head. But it's too late to back out now. I'm glad, at least, that even though I'm this excited, and have done this much research, I have awesome friends who have been there and done it and been the voice of reason for me, telling me about the bad as well as the good. So I'm not going in completely blind.

But it still feels like I'm stumbling around in the dark on the edge of a cliff.

Or like I'm faking it, and hoping that at some point the 'positive attitude' will become real and drown out all the fear I have about this whole thing.

Because moving to Korea is actually quite a big deal, and it may not be what I expect, and I'll have bad days, and cry, and want to come home.

But hopefully I'll make it work. And that hope is what I'm desperately clinging to right now.

12 comments:

  1. Don't worry about getting there with all of your luggage I would suggest the bus as it stops closer and you do not need to lug your suitcases through crowds. The subway announces stops in english/korean but if it is crowded you will be cursing lol. You can always request the staff to meet you at the airport bus stop. Don't worry it will be fun to meet and fun to get lost and explore. I will see you that evening! Moving is starting to hit me, but I haven't realized I will be gone yet. I have fears just like you but i'm staying positive.^^

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    1. Thanks for the advice - it's good to know I'm not alone in this terror. The train I'm worried about missing is the one to the airport in Paris. On the way here we missed the train, and my dad hopped on the wrong one. So... Yeah. I'll definitely take the shuttle bus from the airport. I didn't know you could get them to meet you at the bus stop though - I'll send an email and ask them, for sure! See you soon :) Any idea how much the bus costs?

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  2. What if.... everything turns out fine and you have the freaking experience of a lifetime?!

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    1. What if the ninjas really are as awesome in person as they are online, and I end up with some seriously amazing friends?

      ;)

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  3. Keep staying positive! You've done all you can to prepare at this point. I guess this is why people keep saying we're being "so brave!".. because we kinda are going in blind.

    If all else fails, I'll just meet you for frequent after-work drinks. ;)

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    1. Thanks! Yeah, the positivity is driving me forward. That and caffeine, and alcohol.

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  4. I have to admit, the last few weeks have been so hectic for me that I haven't had time to worry about any of these things. I actually have zero apprehensions, except for the fear that "maybe I should have, like, thought about it and prepared more". :P I'm sure it'll all hit me on the plane ride over when it's too late to turn back... Fear and uncertainty are totally natural but you're going to rock it! And your line of "what if I'm too weird for Korea" made me chuckle... from what is sounds like, if there's one place in the world for weird people, it's Korea. See you soon!

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    1. Hahaha. I have definitely over-thought it and over-prepared for it. But some of that ended up being a good thing - I had to use my contingency plan for my visa and it worked perfectly. 12 hours to go before I'm on the train. I know what you mean about weirdness though. I can't wait to meet all these incredibly interesting people :D

      See you VERY soon!

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  5. Kath, there are going to be good times and bad times. But that is the case with absolutely everything! I can think of a few times in the years that I have known you when bad things happened at Rhodes, but do you regret your time spent there?

    Stay the positive, bubbly person that you are and you are going to be just fine!! Also start saving the second you get there so that you can fly Grant and I over to visit you next year like you promised ;)

    Love you, miss you and you are going to LOVE IT!!!!!

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    1. Heh. You're the voice of reason I was talking about. And your advice is as sage as ever. I don't regret a second of Rhodes... Except for the bit with the rower but let's not go into that.

      As for the freebie flight for you and Puffy... Guess I'll be living on Ramyeon this year. That's how much I care about you and miss you guys. <3

      xxxxxx

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    2. I had a feeling that I was ;) And even the rower has his good parts... like knowing NEVER to do that again!!! Plus fun stories afterwards.

      Considering how much I managed to save after one year and not trying to save and still paying for Puffy's flight to get there, etc. I don't think you'd have to worry about starving ;)

      xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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  6. That is exactly how I felt before I left, but yes, you made this decision and all you can do is go through with it! A lot of those feelings don't go away either. You will always be thinking about relationships with co-teachers, students, and etiquette and cultural norms. Just do your best when you get here. One day at a time. I have been here for 6 months and it is still one day at a time :)

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